I'm trying to be grateful, to be brave and upbeat like you. But sometimes in the early morning hours watching you sleep, wondering what next, the fear overtakes me. A mother's overwhelming gut wrenching fear for her babes. The fear of the unnamed dangers lurking all around your sleeping form. How can I protect you from so many unknowns. I can barely breathe. You've overcome every challenge. You've clawed your way back from so many devastating setbacks. How many more mountains must you climb? How many more disappointments must you endure? How can we find the path?
When the resident told us late last night that the MRI did not demonstrate any CSF leaks, your response was, " just because the MRI didn't find a leak, doesn't mean it's not there, right"? Way to read between the lines, Champ. You are too perceptive sometimes. So here we are day 13 and we still don't have any definitive answers or a clear plan...yet. But we are bouyed up by Pops, Tami, your friends week end visits, by the positive energy of your nurses and night sitters, by Toliver's ever present unconditional love. And we will face this new day with gratitude for your unsinkable spirit, continued confidence in Hopkins doctors and faith that God loves you and will not let us fail.
There's talk of yet another surgery today to totally clamp shut the tube draining your CSF in order to once and for all rule that out as the source of the overdrainage. There's also talk of injecting contrast dye into your spinal column to try to detect a leak that the CT and MRI might have missed. Each of these options comes with risks so our prayer today is that we find some answers without creating new problems for you to battle. God bless, Champ. I'll do my best to, "tough it up" as you like to say. I'll face my own fears head on, embracing this day with gratitude and the belief that anything is still possible.
Blessed to be,
Mum
I continue to be amazed at the toughness and determination of all on Team 44. We will be sending Pebble Power, love, and Prayers from Missouri. Life can be tough but you guys are just a lot tougher!
ReplyDeleteForrest you hang in there, I am so proud of you.
Uncle Brad
44 more Reasons to Just Keep Walking.
ReplyDeleteGo Team.
xo
Of course anything is possible!! A leak involves the release of something, just think of your fears being released little by little. You've found so many paths that were not visible at first, you'll find this one too. The unknowns….they are ,well, all unknown - if they weren't they would be something else. What is known is that you have an amazing family, incredible friends, the power of God and an extraordinary medical team. Put all that together and as you said…anything is possible. Sending you, Forrest and Team 44 strong positive thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteAbby Laughlin
My continued prayers for you Forrest and your amazing team of supporters. You have been thru so much, but I know the fighter that you are and we are all pulling for you. Special prayers for your medical team to find the answers and get you the results that you need. On behalf of everyone at PALS, we are pulling for you.
ReplyDeleteOh, we're so worried for you. But you are in the best of hands and we know you'll get your answers and will be back on track soon! We send love, hugs, positive energy and prayers. We need you back in the neighborhood!
ReplyDeleteThank you Rae for your candor and your hopes--your optimism is what makes the team work. Our love to you and Forrest and his multitude of supporters. Ann N.
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you Rae. What a beautiful letter. Kent. and Team 44 my heart and prayers are with you too. Keep fighting Forrest. You are surrounded by so many great folks who love you so much.
ReplyDeleteLove to all, Patti Brantkey
"Courage is being scared to death...and saddling up anyway." A bad paraphrase from John Wayne.
ReplyDeleteTeam 44: please saddle up again and we will go forward with you in our hearts.
Team 44 are the strongest people I have ever met, and that goes double for 44 himself. He is surrounded by an extraordinary aura of love and positive energy, which has pulled him through many challenges already. In this uncertain time, I want to add my deep care and admiration for Forrest and his family. I try to teach my students not to use words like "amazing" when the adjective is not deserved, so we can reserve it for those special people and occasions that have really earned it. Forrest, you and your family are amazing, and I am honored to be your friend. Stay strong, and believe.
ReplyDeleteContinuous prayers for you Forrest!!
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me, but you and your team of supporters inspire me. I have a group of women that I pray with every night by text. We have prayed for you in the past and we will continue to pray for you. Praying for your steadfast perseverance, the wisdom of your doctors to help you, and for peace to surround your family. Maggie in Indiana
ReplyDeleteSending Hugs for strength to you all.
ReplyDeleteThe pain a mother endures while fighting for her child is undeniable. I so understand what you are going through, Rae, We haven't me but I have followed Forrest's battle for the past few years. My daughter, Olivia, has worked with Forrest at A Place To Be. I am continually amazed at the courage and strength your family has shown through this horrible ordeal. I know the pain you must be feeling because, I too, have felt that pain. As I read about the MRI, it took me back to a dark and scary time. It is important for you to get your fears out in the open in order to be strong for Forrest when he needs you most. You are both 2 of the strongest and bravest people I have ever seen! We are praying for all of you and I am so happy he has Tolliver there with him. Kelly
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